How To Survive as a Villain

Chapter 195: I Want Us To Know And Cherish Each Other, Living A Long Life Together¹.

The carriage was forced to stop. At that moment, Xiao YuAn was supporting his head, thinking hard about what to do next. When suddenly, the horse pulling the carriage was frightened as it made the carriage sway left and right a few times before settling down. Xiao YuAn was a little stunned by the sudden movement, and when he heard a noise coming from outside, he immediately became quiet.

‘What’s going on?!’

‘Is it another assassination attempt?! Is it not over yet?’

Xiao YuAn was puzzled. When he lifted the curtain, he saw a white horse in front of the carriage, blocking the way. Riding the horse, there was an elegant and handsome young man. When he looked over, he also met Xiao YuAn’s eyes for a moment.

‘Why were we separated for such a long time, when I can’t fall asleep alone at night? Why weren’t the letters I sent to you with great care replied? Why is it so difficult to mend the broken Luan mirror in the clear sky²? Why are we looking at each other without saying a word?’

Xiao YuAn couldn’t take his eyes away from him at all. As he jumped off the carriage, his hands and feet didn’t dare to go forward, feeling at a loss on what to do.

Yan HeQing then dismounted, held the reins, and continued to stare at Xiao YuAn without saying a word.

‘This scene it’s too familiar.’

Even though they were silent, their eyes had already told each other thousands of words.

Xiao YuAn had once imagined the scene of meeting Yan HeQing again countless times, and he even thought of the countless types of words that he could say, to prove that he was Xiao YuAn. But now, when he was actually faced with this scenario, Xiao YuAn found himself completely unable to say a word. The only thing he wanted to do, was to look at the person in front of him, greedily staring at his eyebrows and eyes.

Xiao YuAn thought to himself: ‘How could I make this man wait for me over and over again?’

In the year of Xiao YuAn’s first rebirth, when they were apart from each other because of the war, he wished that he would just die.

In the year of his death, Yan HeQing offered a strong wine sacrifice, asking him to come back.

Feeling as if his heart was being pierced by a knife, he was anxious and helpless, as if he had woken up from a dream that was both happy and sad.

Finally, Xiao YuAn took a deep breath, took two steps forward, raised a warm smile to Yan HeQing, and said softly: “When we separated the first time, I offered a toast to Heaven and Earth for you, my words were the wine, and the three wishes were the cups. Now, I want to ask you three questions: Can I be there when you come back from the war? Can I walk the same path as you, and hold your hand? If you’re happy and healthy, with no worries in your life, can I watch over you? Now that I finally understand what you didn’t want to forget, then don’t. But now, can you tell me if I understood too late?”

After finishing his speech, Xiao YuAn’s voice was already shaking and choking.

Even though it was early spring, the wind was still bitterly cold. As some snowflakes danced in the air, his eyes were red, and his head was slightly covered with white.

Yan HeQing didn’t reply, he simply closed his eyes, and took out a hairpin from his bosom.

The jade hairpin had some cracks in it, which made it look distorted and hideous due to the re-adhesion. As Yan HeQing slowly raised his eyes, his palm went up, handing over the jade hairpin to Xiao YuAn. If Yan HeQing’s fingertips weren’t trembling, he would’ve thought that he was as cold as usual.

‘The year when I was punished to kneel in the snow, surrounded by the cold weather. The year when the smell of wine was overflowing in the Yuhua Tower. The year when we parted ways in tears. The year when we didn’t know how to communicate our feelings for each other, in the deep of the mountain. The year when I made my feelings clear in your residence in Taoyuan Village. The year when you were in danger in the enemy’s army, when I searched and searched for you. The year when I wanted to reunite with you so badly that I rode alone for thousands of miles. The year when you waved the sword to kill yourself, when I cried and howled.’

‘That was the origin of our fate and demise³, as well as the endless greed and infatuation I feel for you.’

Now, as Xiao YuAn slowly reached out his hand, he pressed the jade hairpin back in Yan HeQing’s palm, and held his hand tightly. Xiao YuAn burst into tears as he said: “This time, I won’t let you smash it again.”

…

At dusk, in the Imperial Palace of the Southern Yan Kingdom, at the Emperor’s bedchambers, two maids were talking as they worked. One of the maids had just been sent to take care of the Emperor’s bedchamber, and as she shook out the bedding, she said: “How come His Majesty isn’t in his bedchamber at this hour?”

“It is quite normal for His Majesty to be busy with the affairs of the country, so he doesn’t sleep in his bedchamber that often.” The other maid replied.

“Jiejie, is it true that His Majesty is as beautiful as the stories say? If so, then do you think that he can’t stand being in such a big bedchamber without a concubine to accompany him, because it feels cold and silent?” Since there was no one around, the new maid couldn’t help but wonder, and asked in a whisper.

The other maid scolded her and knocked her head: “Why are you so curious? We shouldn’t be curious about His Majesty’s affairs. Is there something else we can talk about?”

The new maid stuck out her tongue, but still didn’t hold back: “I just don’t believe it. Maybe His Majesty is hiding a little beauty somewhere here?”

As soon as she spoke, the door of the bedchamber was suddenly kicked open, and the maids trembled with fear. When they looked back, they immediately knelt, and said with a trembling voice: “Your Majesty, Yo-your Ma-majesty!”

Yan HeQing walked in with big steps as he held someone in his arms. Of course, his posture was very steady, but Yan HeQing’s arms were tightly clenched; as if he loosened them for even a little bit, the person in his arms would break free and run away.

“Get out, close the door and don’t let anyone disturb me.” After Yan HeQing threw out those words, he went straight towards the bed with that person in his arms.

The two maids hastily got up and walked out of the bedchamber with their heads bowed. When the new maid closed the door, she just so happened to see Yan HeQing throwing the man in his arms onto the bed.

The other maid murmured: “This is the first time I’ve been His Majesty so angry….”

The new maid expressed an ‘ah-ha’, and said: “Could it be that….?”

“Shh, don’t talk nonsense.”

At that moment, Xiao YuAn was also a bit confused when he was suddenly thrown onto the bed by Yan HeQing, and before he could react, Yan HeQing had already untied his belt. Then he pulled Xiao YuAn’s hands up and used the belt to tie his hands to the bedpost.

When Xiao YuAn had just regained his senses, his hands had already been firmly tied. Although the person in front of him was as expressionless as always, Xiao YuAn could feel his anger. Like the calm breeze before a tsunami, where after the breeze brushed the tips of your hair, a sudden gust of wind appeared, followed by the roaring, huge waves that relentlessly swallowed everything.

“Yan, Yan, Yan-ge….” Xiao YuAn shouted cautiously.

Yan HeQing, as if he hadn’t heard him, stretched out his hand to tear open Xiao YuAn’s clothes. Xiao YuAn instinctively shrank his body, trying to cover himself, but because his hands were bound he couldn’t move freely. He was like a fish on the cutting board⁴, at the mercy of Yan HeQing.

The moment his clothes were torn open, the deep and shallow scratches on Xiao YuAn’s body were reflected into Yan HeQing’s eyes.They were left from the fight with those black clothed men. Yan HeQing’s eyes were as dark as black jade, and his whole body was covered with a faint layer of anger. As he looked at the wounds, and reached out to touch them, Xiao YuAn said softly: “It’s all right, they don’t hurt. They will heal by tomorrow.”

After saying that, Xiao YuAn leaned forward to kiss Yan HeQing, but Yan HeQing inclined his head, dodging his approach. Xiao YuAn was slightly stunned, and his eyes flashed with a trace of panic. When Yan HeQing looked up at him, he leaned down and lightly kissed the scratch on Xiao YuAn’s waist.

“Mm-hmm….” Xiao YuAn’s body was very tense, and he could only lean against the bedpost, unable to escape at all. As the soft tongue licked the wound, he felt an itchy and tingling sensation coming from his waist. It was slightly painful, like dense fine needles and light feathers, sometimes pricking, and sometimes tingling.

Xiao YuAn began to breathe quickly, but his reason hasn’t been completely swallowed up as he asked softly: “Yan-ge, are you angry?”

The kiss suddenly turned into a bite, and the pain from the wound on his waist made Xiao YuAn frown as his abdomen trembled slightly. When Yan HeQing raised his head, and looked into Xiao YuAn’s eyes, he asked: “Xiao YuAn, when you placed the sword against your neck, did you even think of me?”

With a lump in his throat and misty eyes, Xiao YuAn bowed his head and thought: ‘At that time, I said so many apologizing words, and kowtowed so many times, thinking that my life would, more or less, compensate for some of the accumulated resentment. But now that I’m once again reborn, I owe nothing to anyone.’

‘But, who would’ve thought that, in the end, I still had a debt. Even though this time is just to one person, the debt is extremely high, and I don’t know how to repay it.’

‘Death can feel so easy, because you’re just running away without looking back. But from then on, the world has one more person alone, one more person in distress, someone who will grow old, waiting.’

‘Those who are alive are the ones who suffer the most.’

‘And Yan HeQing’s pain was given by me.’

‘Even if I could grow a thousand mouths, no matter how clever I am, I would still not be able to argue.’

Xiao YuAn was still silent, when suddenly, he felt that his own lower body was cold. When he realized that his pants had been taken off, he saw how Yan HeQing slightly moistened his fingers, and inserted them into Xiao YuAn’s body.

Xiao YuAn was in pain, and he couldn’t help but want to retreat, but since his hands were tied in the bedpost, there was nowhere to run. As Yan HeQing inserted a second finger, his eyes were slightly red and his tone was quite cold as he asked Xiao YuAn: “Xiao YuAn, you’re always thinking about dying for others, but have you ever thought of living for me?”

Finally!!! They’re together again 😭😭😭😭😭💕

Uh oh, YHQ is angry !! (∩´﹏`∩)

Footnotes

1. Sentence from the folk song《上邪》from the Han Dynasty [206 BC-220 AD]. “I want us to know and cherish each other” means to love each other and be happy together, after a careful choice, deciding that that person is worthy of love. “Living a long life together”, means that their destinies will be linked forever, and their love will never decline. The first line is an expression of the relationship’s status, and the second line is a further expression of the love’s faithfulness.
2. 为何晴天难补鸾镜碎 wèi hé qíng tiān nán bǔ luán jìng suì; “Luan Mirror” is commonly used in poems as a metaphor for husband and wife being separated by death/breaking up, which makes them feel loneliness and sorrow. “Clear Sky” is sometimes used to suggest that something is really sad. So, this sentence can be translated as: “Why is it so devastating and hard to make up our separation?”
3. 缘起缘灭 yuán qǐ yuán miè; Often used to describe a close relationship that fell apart/became distant.
4. A metaphor for when you’re put in a desperate situation and left at the mercy of others.