I'm Not Going to Be Bullied By a Girl

Chapter 909: Movie Ratings

“Western horror movies generally fail to incite any emotions from me, but oftentimes, the movie isn’t the scary one, but rather the person watching it with you.

“Wow, her entire face just fell off.”

Ai Mi was referring to the female protagonist on the large LCD screen, who was being brutally torn apart by a group of zombies.

Although Hollywood horror movies might not cater to the Eastern palate, their makeup and special effects are quite impressive. For Ai Mi, it might even be a bit too intense.

“If you look closely, the packaging of this movie is labeled ‘PG-13.’ Does that mean it’s not suitable for viewers under 13?”

I glanced at the 12 year old Ai Mi, who was clutching my left arm tightly and looking at the screen with a scared face.

“Hmph, that doesn’t matter. If humanity is already destroyed, then ratings like PG-13, R-15, or NC-17 would be meaningless.”

Ai Mi, like me, said while sitting on a cushion on the carpet.

“Hey, humanity is only destroyed in this movie, and besides… Ahhhhh!”

Ai Mi’s sharp nails dug into my skin.

“What’s there to be scared of in the movie? I should be more on guard against you compared to those not-at-all scary zombies. Are you still dissatisfied that you couldn’t scare me on Halloween?”

Ai Mi looked up at me with her deep blue eyes, but there wasn’t an ounce of respect in her gaze.

“It’s inevitable to get emotionally worked up over a scary movie, but as my brother, aren’t you obligated to serve as my emotional punching bag?”

“The problem is that these movies aren’t scary at all. It feels unfair for me to get scratched.”

“How can you say such a scary movie doesn’t affect you?” Ai Mi paused the movie with the remote control and the screen paused on the credits screen, “Just imagine, what if one day the whole world is filled with zombies…”

“What are you talking about? That’s impossible. Instead of worrying about the world being destroyed by something unscientific like zombies, we should be more concerned about the world ending due to micro black holes created by high-speed particle colliders, or nanobots, or even the eruption of the Yellowstone volcano in America…”

“Why are zombies unscientific?” Ai Mi asked, expecting me to explain.

“Ha, it’s because zombies are dead. Since their digestive systems no longer function, they can’t convert what they eat into energy. Unless they can perform photosynthesis, they’ll soon collapse due to energy exhaustion.”

I looked at my sister with a sense of superiority, thinking of the law of conservation of energy.

“Naive. You clearly haven’t seen many zombie movies.” Ai MI retorted, “The zombies in this movie might be unscientific, but there are many that are quite scientifically plausible. Also, zombies do exist in the real world. Besides the Haitian zombie folklore.. there’s a fungus that infects the brains of ants, turning them into zombie ants.”

That’s true. Cordyceps, a fungus known for its health benefits, is a combination of fungus and insect. Theoretically, a fungus-human combination could create zombies without violating the law of conservation of energy.

“If we were in a world overrun by zombies, would you protect me?”

Ai Mi suddenly asked.

“Isn’t that obvious?” I said with a laugh. “Of course, I would protect you. I would protect you even if I turned into a zombie.”

“Really?” Ai Mi drew out the word seemingly in disbelief, “If maid Qin or Katyusha turned into zombies, would you protect me by using a crowbar and fire to take them down without any hesitation?”

“Why do you always have a problem with Xiao Qin and our class leader? Haven’t you been getting along with them lately? Have you forgotten how Xiao Qin helped you with your midterms, or the cola chicken wings our class leader made for you?”

“I… I haven’t forgotten.” Ai Mi said, turning her face away in embarrassment. “I just wanted to be sure that I’m more important to you than they are.”

“We wouldn’t need to use a crowbar and fire, right? Fire is one thing, but a crowbar is the ultimate weapon in FPS games. Ever since Dr. Gordon Freeman first used it in ‘Half-Life’, it quickly became popular across the world and was known as the ‘Holy Sword of Physics’. In the latest superhero animated show, even the Flash blinds Darkseid with a fire crowbar.”

“Don’t change the subject.” Ai MI frowned, “If maid Qin and Katyusha turned into zombies, and you still can’t bear to kill them, does that mean you have a thing for zombies? I can’t believe my brother is so disgusting…”

“If your friends and family turned into zombies, it’s normal for anyone to hesitate, right? Why would you interpret my normal reaction as some kind of fetish?”

Ai Mi ignored my protests.

“I get it. You would probably keep maid Qin and Katyusha and look for a way to cure them, or maybe indulge in the forbidden while they’re still ‘fresh’…”

That’s enough. Do you really see me as such a terrible person that would even go for zombie girls?

We turned off the lights to watch the horror movie, so the LCD screen was the only source of light. In the darkness, Ai Mi suddenly remembered something:

“The Mayans were destroyed by a meteor shower, and in the time of Noah’s Ark, God used a flood to destroy most of humanity. Experts say the next disaster that will wipe out the majority of humanity will be a ‘Zombie Apocalypse.’ Maybe we’ll be the only two people who survive.”

“Do American experts have that much free time? And why would we be the only two who survive? Did you buy a VIP status from God, or some amazing cheats?”

Ai Mi pouted, “What, don’t you have the confidence to carve a path through a zombie apocalypse and protect your sister? Isn’t the spirit of a siscon your biggest cheat? Or do you not love me anymore?”

“Alright, I’ll be responsible for carving that path.”

There was no need to argue over a hypothetical scenario. After all, a zombie apocalypse won’t really happen.

“You’re not taking this seriously at all.” Ai Mi scolded me, “Don’t you realize the mission we’d have to shoulder if we survived a zombie apocalypse?”

“Huh, when did you care about ‘missions’ and ‘responsibility’? I thought you hated those words.”

“That’s different.” Ai Mi raised her fist up like the female holding the flag in the famous painting “Liberty Leading the People”.

“Since humanity would be extinct and it’s just the two of us left, we can’t pass this mission on to anyone else. When the time comes, you’ll have to do your utmost with me to fulfill the greatest mission of repopulating a new human race. The future of humanity depends on us…”

Ai Mi said this with a giggle and stood up in the darkness. Her shiny belt was at eye level with me, and her casual yet elegant small denim skirt seemed to glow.

“Ahaha, fall down, I am the mother of humanity.”

Ai Mi playfully put her hands on my shoulders, but she was too weak to even make me sway in my seat.

“Why aren’t you cooperating?” Ai Mi, who was caught up in the moment, was dissatisfied.

How should I cooperate? Pretend to fall down? Who knows if Ai Mi would then climb on top of me.

“Your hypothetical scenario is awful.” I said while trying to sound as cold as possible, “Even if we were the only two survivors, I would never create a deformed next generation with you.”

“So you would disregard the future of humanity… how selfish.” Ai Mi gave a thump on my head with her fist, “Would you really bear to see humanity go extinct? Being siblings isn’t a big deal. Genetic defects are simply a probability, not a certainty. If we try seven or eight times, ten or twenty times, we will surely have enough healthy children. Maybe they will have my perfect looks and your strong physique.”

Ai Mi’s face showed that she was lost in this fantasy.

“Hey, what if it’s the other way around? If they had my looks and your physique, then that would be a true tragedy.”

At that moment, my phone suddenly rang. I took a look and the caller was Xiong YaoYue. She asked me in a strange voice on the phone like she was pinching her nose:

“Hehehe~ Guess who I am.”

“Aren’t you Winnie? I guess you’re having a fun birthday party at Gong CaiCai’s place. I think I can hear Loud Mouth and Xiao Qin laughing…”

“Eh, eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh…”

Xiong YaoYue exclaimed in surprise.

“Just now, when Little Smart was playing with my phone, she accidentally deleted all my contacts. How did you still know it was me?”

Ai Mi, who had been listening to the conversation, had a look of scorn on her face as she snatched the phone from me to speak to Xiong YaoYue.

“Winnie, your intelligence really worries me. It’s your contacts that got deleted, not the manservant’s. You’re so dumb that if there’s an apocalypse, the children you have with the manservant will only be fit for manual labor. Might as well have them build the pyramids.”

“Apocalypse?” Xiong YaoYue sounded puzzled. “Didn’t 2012 pass a long time ago? And why would I have children with Ye Lin…”

Before she could finish, there was a loud “bang” sound. From the subsequent conversation, it seemed like Xiao Qin had hit Xiong YaoYue on the head with an inflatable hammer.

The girls seemed to be having a lot of fun, then Xiong YaoYue hung up the phone.

“Someone’s having a birthday?” The lively atmosphere on the phone was in stark contrast to our quiet atmosphere. Ai Mi asked somewhat forlornly, “It’s at Gong CaiCai’s place again, isn’t it? The one with the vulgar chest.”

“Don’t call others vulgar just because you haven’t developed yet.”

“Tsk. As God’s most perfect piece of art, why would I be jealous of others?” Ai Mi made an inappropriate gesture of cupping her chest, “I’m only 12 this year and I’ll develop more as I get older. Besides, the most important thing isn’t size, but shape and feel. Brother, do you want to feel for yourself?”

“No thanks. If I take into account your gesture and what you just said, I should slap an ’18+’ label on your forehead.”