QT: Don't fall in love with the Male Lead

Chapter 184: Don't get lost in familiar places

Xi Zirui can only look up at Bai Mi's face in shock as a flood of memories rushes into his mind.

He can remember an entire life of them as siblings, bickering, teasing each other, but ultimately being friendly.

It's uncanny how each world perfectly displayed a side of her personality: ruthless, charming, selfish, kind, nurturing, and a gigantic pain in Xi Zirui's ass through it all.

She quirks an eyebrow at him. "What are you staring at me for? Am I more beautiful than usual, today?"

Xi Zirui shakes his head, attempting to clear it. "No, I'm just sleepy."

Bai Mi taps the side of his face. "Well, hurry up, mother wants to speak with you." She saunters towards the door, and stops in the doorway to shoot Xi Zirui a delighted smirk, and say in a singsong voice,"You're in trouble."

And of course, she's more than happy to sit back and watch the show.

Xi Zirui takes a long moment to sit up in his bed and take everything in. Now that his memories are back, it seems unreal that he could ever forget.

Well, he shouldn't say that he remembers everything. He still has no idea about the events that led him to trap everyone in the Transmigrator 4000. 

In fact, he doesn't even remember how he's supposed to meet Han Yu for the first time.

'Ni Ni, are you there?' he asks, probing for the familiar presence in the back of his mind.

A chime sounds and Xi Zirui doesn't know whether to be relieved or worried. "Ni Ni is here, Host, but please be warned that this isn't like the other worlds, Ni Ni has no relevant information about the world, and Host has no tasks to accomplish."

She pauses, and then says, "Besides finding a way to return everyone to the heavenly realm."

Xi Zirui casts his eyes across the room. "This is in the past, right? I haven't met Han Yu yet."

"Host is correct. The events he's living happened in the past," Ni Ni says.

In a way, it's no different than all the worlds where he had to travel different timeline than the one he was used to in the starting world. No different than the world where he had his children. 

It fills his belly with bile to remember them. He did better at not thinking about how much he misses them in the previous world, but being here again with all his memories back makes it impossible to forget.

Because he remembers everything about being a God now, including how a simple pill can make it possible for a male to bear children. 

Now he just has to find his way back to Han Yu, and a way to keep him -- which seems like the hardest thing to do.

Ni Ni doesn't offer any suggestions in that regard.

---

It feels disconcerting for him to be back in these halls, walking barefoot on the jadeite slabs, feeling the refracted light of the firmament shine down on him in the lush courtyards surrounding the jade palace.

He stops every few seconds to take in the views, admire all the beauty that is at once familiar and foreign.

Whenever Xi Zirui thought about being a god before, about what it must have been like to live in the heavenly realm, he always assumed that he must have hated it, or at least felt extremely stifled by it -- after all, he was more than happy to leave it all behind for Han Yu.

The truth is that he was always happy here, his existence was charmed. The most spoiled 'original' Xi Ziruis can't compare to him.

Xi Zirui is a true "beloved son of heaven", not just someone to whom the saying applies. 

His grandfather is the Jade Emperor.

Xi Zirui makes his way slowly towards his mother's quarters in the palace. He can't believe he ever forgot her.

Despite the warmth that thinking about his family brings him, he knows he's going to make the same choices all over again. 

He has a family with Han Yu too, and he will stop at nothing to get them back.

---

His mother is sitting by the open archways leading into her courtyard, one of her legs stretched out leisurely across the chaise lounge, the other swinging back and forth as she holds a cup of tea to her chest and gazes out at the swinging bamboos in the garden.

She hears him coming, and turns around to greet him with a smile, setting down her teacup on the small table by the sofa. "Bai Mi your brother is here," she calls towards the courtyard.

Moments later Bai Mi emerges from between the shrubs, holding up a few berries in the top skirt of her robes.

"Finally, I thought he had fallen asleep again."

Bai Mi makes her way inside and sits down at their mother's feet, popping berries into her mouth. 

Lei Zu rearranges herself on the sofa and pats an empty spot next to her. Xi Zirui sits down besides her, momentarily stunned by her beauty, that not even thousands and thousands of years have tarnished, beyond the fine wrinkles at her temples and around her mouth. 

She combs her fingers through the loose strands of his hair. "My son, your grandfather is displeased with you again."

Bai Mi bites down on a berry, staining her lips with red juices. "Whenever is he not?"

Xi Zirui remains silent. He has vivid memories of his entire life up to this point to draw from, and he knows Bai Mi is saying the truth.

All his life he has reveled in causing chaos in the heavenly realm, too antsy to stand still and do as he was told. 

His grandfather usually threatened he would make him the god of 'petty inconveniences' if he didn't get his act straight by the time of his godly tribulation.

The most recent upset must be due to Xi Zirui painting Ji Limei's peacocks (at Bai Mi's behest) and releasing them during a council meeting while calling them phoenixes. 

Bai Mi and Ji Limei hate each other due to the fact that they both want to be named the goddess of Rain in the Southern Regions -- but only one can have that title. 

Bai Mi always manages to rope him into their silly disputes, not that Xi Zirui puts up much of a fight.

It's almost jarring to contrast the person he has become with who he used to be.

Xi Zirui is fairly confident he's still an asshole, but he's no longer a spoiled asshole. His experiences of a humble life in what he thought was his original word made sure of that.

Lei Zu smiles softly at him. "Is everything alright, my son? You're very quiet."

He lists into her touch, her skin smells like fresh plum blossoms. "It's nothing I'm just tired."

Xi Zirui  wants to tell her, 'Mama, you're a grandma now,' but for now he must hold the words close to his chest like a secret.

"I feel like you've become older while I wasn't looking," Lei Zu says, running her thumb under Xi Zirui's eyes. "There's something about your eyes..."

"Stayed up late having fun," Bai Mi suggests, wagging her eyebrows. "At least we all know who it wasn't with." She chuckles. "That Su Xueyi was asking around about you again. He has returned from his tribulation, and wants to show off, no doubt."

Lei Zu sighs, her cool hands still stroking Xi Zirui's cheek. "I wish you wouldn't fight it, Rui-er." Xi Zirui doesn't need to ask what she means. "Fate is unfathomable but always wise. The two of you are a good match. If you didn't fight it so much, perhaps you would learn to like him, the two of you used to be close friends when you were younger."

That was before Xi Zirui learned he was expected to marry Su Xueyi, and to call them "close friends" was perhaps and exaggeration. Su Xueyi chased after him, demanding Xi Zirui's time and attention, and sometimes Xi Zirui couldn't be bothered to evade him, so he just let him stay.

There's no point in him arguing with her, he has used plenty of arguments as to why he is not interested in marrying Su Xueyi and they all fell on deaf ears, his mother's and grandfather's alike.

"Sister mentioned you wanted to see me," Xi Zirui says, changing the subject.

Lei Zu's smile dims and she pulls her hand away from Xi Zirui's face. "I'm afraid your latest lark has really upset your grandfather."

Bai Mi shrugs. "It was just the drop that overfilled the cup, it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"And who set me up to it?" he asks, annoyed at how much fun she's having at his expense.

She bats her eyelashes demurely. "You were the one foolish enough to go ahead and do it."

Lei Zu clears her throat. "Regardless, your grandfather wants to expedite your tribulation."

"That's not supposed to happen for several years," Xi Zirui says.

Bai Mi shoots him a glare. "What are you complaining about, that just means you'll get to be a proper god sooner."

Lei Zu smiles encouragingly at him. "It's normal to be nervous, but in time you'll come to see tribulations as a normal part of being a god, a necessary route for us to connect to the universe and tap into the source of our heavenly gifts." She takes his hand in hers and squeezes.

"Your grandfather wants to talk with you about it. I thought it best to warn you beforehand."