Reincarnated as a Phoenix

Chapter Epilogue 4 – Beaching it up

(Brooks) “Go mummy! Make sure you whoop mummy number two’s ass!”

‘That kid of ours really is a little shit. No idea why his foul tongue makes me smirk’

(Petra) “Heh, I wonder where he picked up that language… Ikarus”

(Ikarus) “Don’t you be accusing me of anything! I don’t say ass, it’s arrrse. Emphasis on the R because it’s the queen’s language… or king’s now? I didn’t check last time we went back”

(Ariza) “Uh Zeki… did you teach him that?”

(Zeki) “Erk, the hell am I supposed to know what I say to the runt? He could’ve picked that up anywhere!”

(Nathan) “Do me a favour and make sure to smash the ball right at Zeki’s face… this is so damn juvenile”

(Charlotte) “Be nice to him Nat, you seriously have no idea how cute you are!”

Since we’re the masters of clichés, it’s time for the beach episode and a volleyball spectacular! None of us are any good or know the intricate rules, we’ve set up the net and drawn a court in the fine sand anyhow. We have already played for a little while to warm up and it’s gone exactly how you might expect… terribly.

For the teams of three vs three, we have us ‘guys’ vs the girls, huge emphasis on the guy part. You see, Nathan thought he’d try having a go training Zeki in hand-to-hand combat on this brief vacation him and Charlotte have off together.

It went as well as expected and the end result was Mr Obnoxious drugging the knight with one of the gender bending potions that constantly circulate around our settlement. Loki has permanently set up shop here so you can imagine how easy they are to come by.

(Kellearzar) “If only your father could come up here as well”

(Mute) “…!”

(Minos) “Mute’s right, mother. He’d only complain if he was here”

Ah right, we’ve also got a small crowd forming but thankfully it’s mostly friends or family. Leader privileges and all so we can reserve a big portion of the beach. Still doesn’t stop the crowds just past the barricades, let’s ignore the idiots for now though…

And before you say anything, yes you, I’m purposely avoiding mother right now. For obvious reasons, she’s not part of our game because reality might break if her jiggle physics are let loose. She seems happy enough sunbathing like the rest of the dragon fam anyways.

Anyways, Petra launches the serve, whacking the volleyball towards us and we respond… by letting it fall. None of us even get close to that serve.

(Zeki) “Erk, this freaking sucks! That’s on your side, dumb fuck knight!”

(Nathan) “What are you talking about, idiot? Use your eyes, that was yours!”

(Ikarus) “Just forget this already… I’m hitting it back”

If it obvious yet, both Zeki and Natty still hate each other. It clearly landed on Zeki’s side but best just not argue with him. Blame Brooks for these team suggestions, think he knew what he was doing.

Launching the next serve myself, the ball flies true over the net towards Ariza… who just completely ignores the ball because she’s looking elsewhere. I’m starting to get really annoyed now, this game has been like this ever since we started!

“Can I be excused pleased? I… uh, just realized I need to do something”

Upon the small crowd that has gathered and where she was just looking, I notice a small head of blue hair nestled beneath the rest of them. At least she has a reason for being distracted, go get some, bluebird!

“Heh, be honest with us, Ariza. You just want to go play”

“Uh huh, I haven’t seen him in ages! Him and the King are always busy”

Not even getting the chance to say no even if we wouldn’t, Ariza rushes off from our volleyball game so now we’re a person down. Can we really play like this? Ah, this means I can leave to even the teams out! Fuck yeah!

“If you’d allow me… I can make up the numbers”

‘Damn it… if only I didn’t mentally develop! Sometimes it makes sense to act before thinking’

Appearing through the crowd, a bustier Petra walks by in a bikini like the rest of us. It’s such an overused cliché but I can definitely tell who Petra gets her looks from, that being her mother Nyx.

Now on their side, my smiling wife passes the ball to my mother-in-law. Nyx observes it for a few seconds, studying every curve of the ball before deciding what to do. Then, she launches the serve…

This is a huge problem though. Nyx absolutely smashes the ball, so much so the bloody thing looks like it’s heading to space! Damn primordial Gods, learn to limit your strength!

“Sorry children… sometimes I forget my own strength”

“Don’t be like that Nyx, at least that means we’re finished now”

“Heh, sure about that, Ikarus?”

Holding a spare ball in her hands, it’s safe to say the wife once again has got my knickers in a twist… or one piece right now. Still feel uncomfortable wearing bikinis so this is why I asked Petra to get me this since it’s only a tiny bit less revealing. I’m sure it’s one size too small as well but knowing Petra, this was on purpose.

Now pouting since I’m still being forced to play this, this time around Charlotte launches the serve and it falls to Nathan…

(Nathan) “To you, Ikarus!”

(Ikarus) “Gotcha, Natty!”

(Zeki) “Erk… it’s mine!”

Nathan dinks the ball over to my direction, I hit it up for Zeki and he jumps high into the sky to strike it down. We actually did a thing!

Nyx however dives for it, managing to keep the ball just from hitting the ground. Petra follows it up, managing to get enough height for Charlotte to whack it back over…

“Erk! Stupid damn nun, what’s your problem!?”

(Charlotte) “Whoops… are you okay, Zeki?”

(Natty) “I love you so much, Lotte”

“Erk, fuck this, I’m outta here”

I can’t help but collapse to the ground in laughter, Charlotte whacked the ball straight at Zeki’s face! Succubus-sama did a thing as well!

Zeki runs off to sulk… or presumably get some as well? I swear I can see the dryad’s fat arse in the distance.

“Seeing that the teams are uneven again… can I leave yet?”

(Brooks) “No can do, mummy number two! You need to keep playing!”

(Jaquelin) “S-Stop being m-mean, Brooks”

(Blonde kid) “Yeah Brooks, be nice to Queen Ikarus! She’s so pretty!”

(Brooks) “I’m always nice, it’s just that mummy number two hasn’t lost enough yet!”

Oh yeah, alongside our kid and the empire’s purple haired daughter is another child, a girl named Evette. Blonde hair, ears from an elf, it doesn’t take a genius to figure who pooped her out.

(Esmerelda) <One believes thous are having fun>

(Eve) “Erm… you mean the children, Empress Esmerelda? They seem to be!”

We’re always getting visitors to our islands so Esmerelda bringing over Jaq is pretty common. As for the other kid, Eve’s child Evette is normally really shy so you we don’t see her very often. Also, I do have to point out Evette has no known father…

The story that came out is that Eve apparently had a one-night stand with a travelling merchant. Out of respect for him, she never mentioned his name. Yeah, right… as if anyone believes that.

The truth of the matter is that Marcus goes to visit them after dark everyday, is embezzling finances to aid them and is basically the father figure to the kid at this point. The thing is, Eve would never cheat on our prime minister who she ‘hasn’t’ got a thing for. The idea of a political scandal is that it’s supposed to be shocking! Everyone on these three islands knows what that family is up to.

Reason why Evette is only an elf because birthing mixed species has always remained impossible in this world. It’s a fifty-fifty chance if she ended up human or elf.

Anyways, back onto the volleyball spectacular, the ball flies right past my face as I clearly have next to no interest in this game and stopped looking when our team became two. This is why I’ll never have abs, sports and exercise suck!

(Ikarus) “What was the score supposed to be again? I’m sure we’re losing enough for Brooks’s taste already”

…

An absurd silence falls as quite a few of us facepalm, all looking like right numpties. Even mother decides to join in, obviously feeling left out and then the jiggle physics kick in from that position she’s laying in. This is why I don’t look at her, get back into dragon already!

“Erm… how is volleyball supposed to be scored anyways? Is it similar to tennis or badminton?”

I’ll be honest and fully admit I’ve only watched volleyball a few times when it was way skimpier than it should be. Am I ashamed? Not really, that’s how sport should be played! Gotta appreciate those muscles and six-pack somehow, until it’s your own mother in the action…

__________

“It’s auntie Ariza and the flying rat! How you doing!?”

(Prince) “Nice to see you again, Brooks!”

(Ariza) “Uh, Brooks? Who taught you that rat thing?”

“Uncle Zeki, of course! He teaches me all sorts of things like that!”

‘Heh, knew it. Sometimes I swear Zeki’s related to my father with his dislike of pretty much everything’

At a local tavern interfering in Ariza’s and the Prince’s date, our child runs over to them and immediately is hugged by the Wyvern Prince. Ariza’s boyfriend has never changed a bit throughout the years and still has that same puppy like attitude he had all those years ago.

Even now as he’s picking up Brooks and swinging him around, he basically is a child at heart. You wouldn’t think it but my entire outlook on the world would change in just a moment…

“Uh… Ikarus. There’s something I need to say, but can you promise not to make it a big deal?”

“Eh? Why me?”

“Uh, it’s just because you really like these things. Me and Prince… we uh... we’re kinda getting married”

“Yes! Ariza proposed a few days ago! I’m just way too happy!”

Almost facepalming from the wyvern prince’s excitement, I guess our resident bluebird is finally settling down. This is big, right? Right!?

If things seem like they’ve developed really fast between those two, remember five years have passed, they like their privacy and it is a long-distance relationship. Point being, they don’t see each other much but when they do, they can’t be separated. I’m not sure me and Petra could make things work living a continent away, her teasing wouldn’t be as good by letter.

I can also tell why she’s asked me to play it cool. I’ve changed a lot but peeking into other people’s relationship’s… it’s a sin I can’t help. It’s just my inner love guru coming out! Keep it cool, Ikarus. It’s not a big deal…

“That’s amaz-, ahem. I mean, I’m happy for you, Ariza. You’ll be like a God to all those goddamn rats! Obviously no offense, Prince”

“Heh, same here Ariza. You nearly got Ikarus jumping with excitement too”

‘Pleaseee wife, I can show some class when I want to’

Even though we may be happy for those two, there is one phoenix who is less so peeking in the background…

“Erk, over my dead body! You turn brother’s heart astray, then you get her to propose to you! You either be a real man and propose to her, or we fight it out to the death! She deserves someone who isn’t a complete weakling!”

‘Sighhh… the walking hypocrite that is Zeki. The realest, manliest man around’

“What girly boy means to say is that he’s happy for you and hopes he can be a bridesmaid!”

“Fuck off cow, this is important!”

Appearing like a stalker from around the corner, a busty dryad approaches and instantly takes the full weight of Zeki’s anger. It’s a shame really, Prince almost looks a little frightened from Zeki’s words.

“Uh, just shut the hell up, Zeki! Prince, don’t listen to him, he just can’t help himself”

“Okay?”

Not knowing what to do or say, Zeki slowly approaches Prince full of rage, trying to appear as intimidating as ever… only to be forced away when Ria grabs his ear.

“Hey, hey, hey! REEEEE! Get the fuck off me, cow!”

“I’m sorry you lot, girly boy needs some lecturing and the only way he can learn is through punishment”

“Erk, not this shit again! This is abuse and I’m being oppressed, someone help me!”

“He-he, I was thinking more along the lines of forcing you to work at that maid café, girly boy. The maid thing seemed to work for that greedy God…”

And so, Ria drags Zeki’s sorry hide out of the tavern leaving both me and the wife chuckling at his misfortune. As if being a maid is going to set Zeki straight, he needs something levels higher than just that!

“Seeing that this is a happy occasion, I’ll buy this round and let’s say cheers! All of you, choose your poison”

“Heh, surprise me, Ikarus”

“Uh, no thanks, Ikarus. Just some juice if it’s okay”

(Prince) “Me too… I don’t really like alcohol”

‘Oh right, forgot these two don’t like to be intoxicated. Boringgg…’Nôv(el)B\\jnn

Heading up to the bar to order us some drinks, the tavern is pretty near filled so I only just notice a familiar face when I get to the counter itself. The closest person I’ve got to a male friend… yeah. I’m definitely counting him as a friend.

“Greetings Ikarus, it’s been quite a while”

Why, it’s everyone’s favourite alcoholic, Dionysus! Now with extra hair and a smile on his face, it’s almost as if the reason for all his stress is long gone. It’s nice knowing he’s now a happy drunk rather than a depressive one, his liver might not agree but hey, it’s a happy kind of disorder!

“You know, Dio, we never got to share a drink together, did we?”

You’d think we’d have made time over the last five years but nope, still yet to have a proper drink with the one famous for booze. Really not sure why, he even owns a freaking brewery now!

“We must’ve at one point back in Olympus… although, I can’t remember when. A single drink sounds uninteresting though, I reckon we make a game of this”

“Heh, what sort of game?”

Two hands rest on my shoulders and judging by the voice, it’s not hard to figure out who’s joined us. Brooks is still playing with Ariza and the Prince for now.

“A wager of sorts, nothing big on the line and only for some fun. Whoever gives up first handles the tab”

Seeing the God’s smile grow expeditiously, we both know what he’s doing and I can’t help but smile back. A drinking contest sounds like my kind of fun…

The thing is, can he really survive a drinking contest with us? There’s also the problem of the little one by our side… doubt mother will mind looking after him for a night. Could ask the blue couple but feel like this might spoil their moment.

“You sure this is a good idea, Dio? I mean, phoenixes are similar to dragons when it comes to ingesting alcohol”

“And my entire existence is dedicated for the sweet nectar more potent than ambrosia, your point? I can go easy on you if you’re scared”

…

You’d think being in my thirties would give me enough experience to learn when I’m being baited, and I do. The problem is, I don’t want to listen to that part of my brain right now.

“*Sighhh*… just give us a few to sort out a babysitter. Dio, you’re going to regret temping me like this…”