The Non-Human Society

Chapter 56: Chapter Fifty Five – Renn – A Burden Twice Carried

Dark clouds loomed in front of us, and seemed to be drawing closer every minute.

They were being brought in from the ocean. I couldn't see the ocean yet, since we were surrounded by hills covered in trees... but I could smell the sea on the breeze. The scent of the sea had begun to mix into the air's scent a few hours ago. Not long after we had separated from the apple caravan.

I was walking not too far behind Vim, but not because he was walking quickly. Nor because the road was busy... in fact, it's been a good amount of time since we had passed or seen anyone else.

Rather the reason was somewhat simple... "Who are we going to meet Vim?" I asked him.

"A nun," he said.

"She's one of us right?" I asked.

"She is. She's a bird, but doesn't know what kind she is. I think she's a peafowl," he said.

"Peafowl?" I asked. What was that?

"You might know them as peacocks," he said.

I increased my pace a little, so he could see me shake my head at him. "Don't know them either," I said.

He studied me for a moment before answering. "They're birds that have massive feathers. And they're usually very colorful. They're not common here but down south they're seen as good luck so aren't hunted. Kept as pets," he explained.

Hmm...

"Is she colorful then?" I asked.

"Rapti is a calm woman. She looks rather human. She used to have feathers that grew on the back of her head, and neck, but she plucked them so often that they stopped growing," Vim said.

"Oh..." I didn't like that at all.

"But yes. Her feathers had been colorful. And long," he said.

Studying Vim as he nodded, since I knew he was remembering those feathers... I wondered if he realized he seemed to find non-human features interesting. Beautiful even.

It made his earlier comments about my own features a little less... important, to a degree. Especially since it meant he probably thought such things for everyone... But I still found myself cherishing them.

Common compliments to him... but valuably precious rarities for me.

"Is that what you did, Vim?" I asked.

"What did I do?" he asked, glancing at me.

"Pluck your features off?" I asked.

He smiled and shook his head. "No. I've not done anything like that."

I nodded, since I had expected such an answer. It'd have made sense, since it would explain why he looked so human... but yet at the same time, something told me he wasn't the type to do such a thing.

"She's a nun, so does that mean she's part of... that Cathedral you were talking about?" I asked.

"No. She's simply a devout member of the northern faith. Technically it is the same branch as the Cathedral, but she's not necessarily a part of it," Vim said.

"Oh..."

"What? You thought she was some kind of saboteur? A spy?" he asked, amused.

Shrugging, I wasn't sure what I had thought.

"Or is it that you are displeased to hear of one of our own kind being a devout believer in the faith that hunts us?" he asked.

"I know better than to judge each human just by the symbol they pray to," I said quickly.

After all several I had known had been devotees themselves. And they had all been wonderful people, and had never harmed me in any way.

I also knew plenty who had indeed been dangerous, and... were evil, in my perspective... So I was always weary around such people, but I knew under the right conditions they could be just as friendly as any other.

"Then why the face?" he asked.

Reaching up to touch whatever he saw, I wondered what kind of face I had on right now.

"You looked annoyed. Upset," he clarified.

"Oh...?" I couldn't feel such an expression on my face, but I could kind of feel and admit that I was upset.

Vim smiled at me, as if amused. Maybe my expression had changed again. "We'll spend a day or two with her, and then head south along the coast to another member. Rapti is one of our more steady members. The worst issue she's ever had was she wanted me to tell a man to stop trying to court her," he said.

I paused in touching my face and quickly took in what he had just said.

"Court her?" I asked, interested.

He nodded. "He was a little... pushy," he said.

"What'd you do? To deter him?" I asked.

"Threatened to drop him off a roof," he said.

"Oh... violence," I said. Of course it had been.

"No. I threatened the use of violence. It was the next day, after he dismissed my threat... That was when I used violence," he said, correcting me.

"Oh..." I groaned, especially since he smiled at the memory. While walking, I realized something important. "Wait... Does that mean..." I flinched as he nodded.

"Yes. I dropped him from a roof."

I sighed, but knew that Vim wouldn't have done that if it hadn't been necessary... or would he?

"Did you kill him?" I asked.

"No. It wasn't a tall roof," he said.

"Was he that bad?" I asked.

"He was. I'd not break the legs of someone if they didn't deserve it," he said.

Hmph...

"Do you help people like that all the time?" I asked.

"Not necessarily because of those reasons, but yes. Most of the time what I need to do is simple stuff like that," he said.

"Simple stuff. Breaking legs is simple, I guess," I said with a sigh.

"It is," he nodded, proud of himself.

Still...

Passing a large rock, I studied the crumbling cracks covering it. Had someone tried to crack it open recently? It looked it.

Vim helped any way he could, didn't he?

Guiding Lomi to a new home.

Studying the city that his members, the Sleepy Artist, resided in to see if it was still safe.

Helping negotiate a contract.

Getting revenge... and protecting those he could...

Helping a member with an admirer who was dangerous, or unwelcomed, was an odd thing but understandable.

I knew that there were probably far harder things he had to help with. But honestly...

"I... I want to help," I dared to say.

Vim frowned and glanced at me, as if he hadn't really heard what I had said.

I nodded, as to affirm it.

"Help what?" he asked.

"You. The Society. I want to..." I shrugged, unsure of how to phrase it exactly.

Which was silly. I'd spent a long time thinking about this. Since I had been banished.

"How do you plan to do that?" Vim asked. He sounded a little tired.

"Well... I was hoping you'd let me," I said.

"Let you what?" he asked, glancing at me.

"Help you."

He frowned. "With what?"

Gesturing to the world around us. "Everything?" I asked.

Vim paused for a moment, and it made me very self conscious as he stared at me.

With a gulp, I wondered if I had upset him. He was looking at me oddly, but it didn't really seem like anger.

"Is that a no?" I asked him.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to help the Society at all. In fact most would be happy to hear that," he said.

"Yet for some reason you're not, are you?" I asked him.

"I..." he went quiet, and looked away for a moment.

"You believe in free will... Yet look as if you don't like the idea at all," I said.

Vim sighed.

My tail went still as I watched the man seemingly give up on something.

What was it? Me? My desires? Was he annoyed at this conversation, or upset? Was it something else?

"You... you mean you want to help me, don't you? Not the Society, but me," he said.

I felt every hair on my body stand up, and I realized I had mistakenly said too much too fast.

For a long moment Vim and I just stared at one another. The light breeze felt cool on the skin, yet not cold enough to make me shiver.

Yet I shivered all the same.

"Can't I?" I finally found the nerve to ask.

"Help me?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Why?"

"I... was part of their demise. So I'll give my life in exchange," I said.

"That is the wrong decision," Vim said.

"You'd dare say that?" I asked, offended.

"I don't dare. I did."

Glaring at him, I ignored my tail and ears as they squirmed. I didn't like the way he was glaring at me.

"Help, although good intentioned, is nothing but harm if done improperly," Vim said.

"I'll!" I started to argue back, but instead found myself stepping backward. Away from him. It made me feel ridiculous... I knew I had nothing to fear from this man. He was not just the protector of our Society... I knew now he wouldn't hurt me.

But I knew the truth.

I wasn't scared of him himself.

I was scared of his words. His opinions.

"Go find a home, Renn. Settle down. Make friends. Have children. Protect them and those around them. That is how you earn forgiveness. That is how you can right any wrongs you think you've done," Vim said.

About to step away from him again, I was able to stop myself from doing so. I held my ground, and shook my head.

"I failed, so you're going to toss me aside," I said.

Vim stared at me for a moment, and then sighed. "You didn't fail Renn," he said.

"I did!" I screamed.

"Even if what happened was actually your fault, how could I or anyone else blame you for it? You knew, and still know, so little of our Society. Blaming you for any of that is simply absurd," Vim said.

"But I know humans! I've lived amongst them for...!" I started to shout more, and stepped forward. He needed to understand that I also understood and...!

Vim shook his head, stopping me. "You do. But your knowledge of them is limited. Confined to the ones you spent decades with. They were basically family. We can't blame you for failing to see the danger hidden amongst a human's smile, when most of your experience is with trustworthy ones," he said.

"That's just a fancy way of saying I'm stupid!" I shouted.

He blinked, and frowned at me. I could tell he found my sudden outburst a little... strange, but I wasn't going to just nod my head and accept his opinion over my own.

"I failed, Vim. No matter what you say. No matter what you think. Amber and the rest died and are gone, and I had been there right next to them when it happened. I... It's all my..." I stopped talking as my eyes finally became filled with tears.

Great. Now I was going to sob. Which meant he was going to become nicer again. Which meant he'd just let me cry and I'd not be able to get my point across and...

"You can blame yourself. For failing to protect them. I'll allow it. But I'll not let you endure the brunt of the blame. It's simply not right," Vim said.

"How long had the Sleepy Artist existed?" I asked him.

His eyes narrowed.

"How long?" I asked again.

"Seventy years," he answered.

Closing my eyes, I groaned at that number.

"Precisely, Renn," Vim said.

I sobbed as I shook my head. "It's my fault..."

"No," he shook his head and stepped towards me. I must have been too sad to be scared, because I didn't budge as he drew closer. "Not at all. Or are you saying Lughes and the rest were incapable of taking care of themselves? They knew what they were doing. They knew what to do and how to do it. That noble family might have been the cause, but Lughes and Amber were the ones who vetted them. Not you. Not me. Them," Vim said.

"But..." I groaned.

"The fault lies on us all, Renn. Some more than others, yes, but in that perspective it is on me. Me and Lughes. Any blame that can possibly be attributed to you is..." he stopped talking as I groaned and grabbed my head. It was suddenly throbbing.

"But...!" I didn't know what to say.

"Enough Renn!" Vim raised his voice finally.

I shook my head.

"We've been over this," he said.

I shook my head, and gripped my hat. To keep it from flying off.

"Renn!"

Looking up, I stared at Vim through blurry eyes. He was closer than he had been. Only a few steps away.

He looked upset... was that grief on his face?

It reminded me of the face he had that night we burnt the paintings... That expression I had first seen there on that wall.

"They were so special," I cried.

"They were," he agreed.

"I failed them..." I groaned.

As I started to sob, I began to fall to the ground. My legs went weak, and I felt exhausted all of a sudden...

Yet before I fell onto my rear...

Blinking wildly, I stared in shock at the fist coiled around my shirt and jacket.

Reaching out to grab onto it, I flinched as Vim hefted me up.

Vim tightened his grip on my shirt, and lifted me upward. I felt my tail squirm and wiggle in my pants as I was lifted off the ground.

A little shocked by the protector's sudden actions... I blinked tears out as I squirmed, holding onto his wrist.

He had lifted me up rather high off the ground, and was glaring at me.

"Enough Renn!" he shouted at me.

"But Vim!" I shouted back, and tugged on his arm. To try to both get myself lowered back to the ground... but also to keep my shirt and jacket from tearing.

His arm was solid and firm. It didn't budge. Even when I tried to put more force into moving it, all I did was move my own self.

He was strong!

"No more wallowing in your own self-pity! You messed up, yes, you did!" he shouted at me.

I stopped trying to free myself, and started to cry again. "See! I knew it!" I cried.

I knew he had just been saying those things to be kind. To be gentle. Treating me like a child...!

Then I was suddenly moved. A small jolt of movement brought me closer to the man who held me. Lowered a little, I now found myself face to face with Vim.

"Who am I?" he asked me.

Making odd noises as I tried to speak, I knew he could see my answer even though I couldn't find my voice.

"Exactly. I'm the protector," he stated.

With a small sob I nodded. He was.

"And who are you?" he asked.

"Renn..." I said softly, knowing exactly what he was trying to actually ask.

My feet found the ground again, and I slowly slumped down to my knees. Kneeling in front of Vim, I watched as he slowly released me.

"Two homes lost... as I held them in my grip. And you have the nerve to look so at fault?" he asked me, looking hurt.

Staring at him in shock, I watched him shake his head and turn away.

Vim returned to walking, uncaring that I still sat here. Left behind.

The man shook his head with a sigh, and I knew he had deemed the conversation over.

Hurrying to stand, I found it a little difficult. My knees felt weak... as if I had been kneeling there for hours.

Quickly following him, I fixed my shirt and jacket as I wiped my face off.

That's why, Vim.

That look. That hurt. That pain.

That was why I wanted to help you.

That was why I was going to.

I'd share that burden. Even if just a little. Even if only for a moment...

Better two to carry it than a single man.

Now I just needed to find a way to get him to let me.

Somehow I found that harder to do... His permission, his acceptance... was going to be harder to get than it was to actually protect the Society.

Especially since it seemed tears weren't going to be enough.