Chapter 689: What If I Can Never Love You?
Drayce returned to the tower after meeting his mother and found Seren still asleep. Drayce looked at her swollen eyes..
"Crying for a long time has tired her. I wonder, what did they talk about for her to be this upset?"
Leaving her in the care of her nanny, Drayce left the bedchamber to attend to official matters. His knights were waiting for him in the small garden gazebo of the tower. He sat on the outdoor trellis chair while Slayer and Azer stood in front of him to report.
"Your Majesty, given the change of venue, we have a week to spare before leaving for Othinia for the kingdom summit. Since Your Majesty and Crown Prince Cian are leaving together, the Palace of Abetha has taken responsibility for all the preparation of your trip."
If the summit was held in Mivesea as planned, their convoy would have to leave earlier, but shifting the event to Othinia not only delayed the summit, it also lessened the distance they needed to travel. Drayce had enough time to deal with the situation surrounding him.
Slayer continued to report, "I received the missive from Captain Benett this morning. The ship docked t at the port city of Baycall had departed, and if they met no storms in the territorial waters of Abetha, they would reach Othinia in four or five days. They will stay there till the end of the summit, so Your Majesty can opt to use the ship to journey back to Megaris."
While Slayer was reporting, the ancient elf with a hood covering his ears could be seen approaching the gazebo. Drayce looked at him and asked, "Have they left?'
Yorian nodded. "Let's pray that the next time we meet, the Deity of Fire is with them."
"I believe they will succeed."
The elf absentmindedly nodded. "I am suddenly reminded, Your Majesty, but you might have to give your wife an advance warning. The King of Abetha is planning to conduct a worship ceremony to please the Goddess of Harvest, which I think should be this kingdom's equivalent of the Deity of Earth. It should be announced in the next royal court meeting."
Drayce nodded. "Time for them to know what they have done wrong. After this, my wife will never come back to this kingdom unless it is her personal wish."
"There really is no need. She is no longer a person of this kingdom. From now on, the grace of a deity shall befall Megaris."
"Humans will only regret not valuing her when deprived of what they took for granted."
—-
It was around dusk when Seren woke up and she found her husband reading a book, sitting by her side on the bed.
Seeing her stir, Drayce idly stroke her head. "Are you awake, my Queen?"
She was about to complain that hunger woke her up, but the next moment, she was reminded of her conversation with Sierra and sadness appeared in her eyes.
It wasn't unnoticed by her husband and all he could do was to smile at her to assure her that everything was fine.
Seren sat up in the bed and hugged him.
He hugged her back and asked, "Are you feeling better?"
She nodded but didn't say a word more. Drayce wanted to ask her what happened, but seeing her pitiful appearance, he stopped himself. Remembering she had not eaten anything since morning, he ordered for food to be served. Once she had a decent meal, her servants helped her freshen up. Drayce then invited her for a stroll.
The couple could be seen walking in the garden under the moonlight. Seren remained quiet the entire time, obviously physically present, but her mind was elsewhere. Drayce gently squeezed her hand.
"My Queen, did you know that burdens feel lighter when shared?" His manner of speaking was low and unhurried as he continued. "I am concerned about what made my wife upset, but I also respect your decision if you don't wish to share your troubles. If you want, after this, I will no longer speak of it."
Seren paused in her tracks and Drayce turned to look at her. Her hesitant purple eyes stared into those red ones. "Dray?"
"Hmm?" Sensing her reluctance, he kissed her forehead. "Do not force yourself. I can wait."
They resumed their stroll when suddenly, Seren asked, "What if I won't be able to love you ever? What will you do?"
Drayce squeezed her hand gently and smiled at her. "I will love you enough for both of us to share."
His words made her heart flutter, but at the same time, added to her guilt.
'My husband is so good to me. Isn't it love? Since he loves me, I can show him my face, right? But… but what if it's not the case and he is merely fulfilling his husband's duty. Being kind is not the same as being in love. I don't know what true love is, so how do I know if what Dray feels is true love?
'Moreover, what about me? Even if he truly loves me, but… but if I don't have the same feelings, then still I can't show him my face. For us to break that curse of corruption, both of us need to love each other truly. What I feel… there's gratitude…and feeling of indebtedness…I like how he makes me feel…he makes me happy…but is this love?
'Until I am sure of my feelings, I will wait to show him my face. I will take that chance. If I cannot, I will just tell him the truth then I will follow what he decides.'
"Careful! You almost tripped," she heard him say, preventing her from walking straight into a bush. "What are you thinking so deeply about, my Queen? If you want, we can return to your—"
A surge of emotions came through Seren and determination flashed in her eyes. "I thought I should keep it to myself for a while but I decided to tell you as this concerns both of us. You are always honest with me so I wish to do the same."
"I will be happy if you share your concerns with me."
Seren held his hand in hers and caressed it with her fingers. While doing so, she explained to him the conversation she had with Sierra and Evanthe, about the curses she bore as well as the matter about removing her veil, about how seeing her face endangered their lives.
Hot tears rolled down from her eyes as her voice cracked.
"...I am curse to never fall in love. I am afraid I won't be able to give you back the love you have always given me. Maybe…maybe you will never get to see my face because of my inability to love you back and I don't know what to do about it. If I show you my face, both of us might ruin what is between us now.
I…I don't want to harm you…I don't want to lose you...I am fine with us like this but you…if you want more…Please forgive me…"
Drayce wiped her tears and wrapped his arms around her trembling body. Light sounds of her sobs filled their surroundings.
Drayce desired to see his wife's appearance—which husband didn't?—and he didn't care whether she was beautiful, ordinary or ugly. She would still be Seren Ivanov, the one and only woman he chose to be his.
Although he knew his love for her was real, that might not be the case for her. The curse on her doesn't allow her to love. Drayce knew curses cannot be taken lightly, especially a curse casted by a god.
If seeing her face would cause him to lose his own will, it was the same as him dying. How could Drayce allow himself to lose his right to stay by her side for a simple glimpse of her face? How could he not know Seren would grieve if such a future comes to pass? If the obsession of the corrupted him harms her…
'I cannot put her life in danger. I cannot let her suffer. If keeping this veil on can keep her safe, I will never see her face. I can live with that. What matters is our happiness—that she is with me and we are happy together.'
"Thank you for telling me the truth, my Queen."
She hugged him tightly. "Are you not upset?"
"To say I am not will be a lie," he replied after some time. "Rather than upset, maybe it is more proper to say it's… regretful? However, such is life. There are things beyond one's control. I am greedy for you, but I am reasonably greedy. Having you by my side is enough. I am curious to see how you look but I can live with my curiosity.
I never gave much importance to your appearance in the first place, otherwise I wouldn't have married you, would I? We can continue our life happily like this."
A fresh round of tears began to flow down from her eyes.
"Thank you, Dray," she said with her crying face buried in her chest. "That night, I stopped you as I was thinking of finding a solution to lift this veil and then we can…" She stopped as didn't want to embarrass herself more.
Drayce chuckled. "That's so thoughtful of you, my Queen."
"Now we have to…this veil…." She trailed off once again, as talking about marriage consummation was not something she was used to.
"It's alright. We are husband and wife no matter what happens," he said before his tone turned teasing. "Shall I feel bad for our children that they won't be able to see their mother's face as well or shall I feel good that if I cannot see, then they can't either?"
With the mention of children, her cheeks turned red. Fortunately, her veil covered it up. "Stop teasing me. I am still so young to have children. I …want to enjoy my time alone with my husband for now. I don't want to share you yet."
"Shouldn't I be the one saying those words," Drayce asked with a chuckle, "that I don't want to share my wife?"
"I am greedier than you," she replied, sighing to herself in his embrace. "I want all of your attention and love."
"You already have."
He tightened his hold around her and they stood there for a long time, enjoying the comfort and warmth of each other's arms.