Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)

832. Of Memories and Wishes

They didn’t stop, nor did they reply. The fur around Cer’s body rose like nails the further they scurried along. It was cold here. Not even the winters of the colder Regions of Elysia could bother a Moon. But it was different here. It was as if she was not even a Moon at all, but instead, a normal wolf Demi-Human.

Is it weird for me to think that this sensation is nostalgic?

The floor gradually rose at an angle. The small incline went on forever, and with it, the source of the light rose towards the skies like a star.

We’re still running. But no matter how far we go it still so far away. What are you two trying to show me? You’re not like Elysia. I know you both mean well. But can I trust you two?

Cer was cautious, but the warmth of their hands and their vibrant smile took her back to simpler times. She remembered she used to be the one who tugged Raoul’s large hands along as they ran through the foot of the mountains.

… How did it end up like this?

The world slowly began to shift. The same mountains she recalled running through hand in hand with Raoul now surrounded her. Large trees rose tens of meters into the dense canopies. Birds pleasantly chirped as she remembered.

Raoul used to bring me here whenever I was feeling down. He’d always carry me on his back when I fell sick. I still remember the day I fell from our roof. I couldn’t feel my legs. It wouldn’t be long before they’d turn black from gangrene… No one but him would step in to help me. Why wouldn’t they? They thought I was a murderer. Everyone thought I killed and even ate the children deep in the mountains.

A small salty droplet tumbled down her cheek. Another quickly joined it. A gentle rain befell the forest. It sounded like a thousand fingers were drumming on the ground. It calmed her, as did the splashes of their footsteps.

But Raoul… you were the one who taught me that it was ok to be myself. That I didn’t have to listen to them. I was allowed to be happy because of you… Where did those times go? Why…

“Raoul~ Where’s my little wise wolf~?”

A motherly voice cooed. Cer immediately turned her head towards the direction of the voice, and there, she saw the silhouette of the one person she thought she would never see again.

Mom…?

She sat on a tree stump, her face blocked by her long, dark hair. Beautiful could not begin to describe her. Even through her hair one could see the light of her azure eyes. Her skin was pale like that of the moon, and the frugal clothes she wore – though simple – was stunning. Her hair was long and straight. If she had wolf-like ears and a tail, then she would be a splitting image of an older Cer.

Standing beside her was a tiny, moody Raoul whose knees were scratched up.

“… Please stop talking to me like I’m a child.” Raoul muttered, only for the woman to flick his nose. “Yowch!”

“But you’re Raoully a child~” The Blue Dahlia giggled.

Cer only knew this side of her mother for a total of 12 days in her life. She was reminded of how much she adored puns and word play. She would have loved Nav if she were still alive.

“Father said you should stop doing that. It’s unbecoming of a Seer of Eve – Ouch!”

“Did he also say that you shouldn’t show pain? The nerve of that man.” The Blue Dahlia clicked her tongue as she blew on Raoul’s injured knee. “You should stop worrying about your father. He can’t hurt you anymore, so you don’t have to try so hard to grow stronger. There’s not enough Healers in the world to help everyone’s problems. Little injuries like this will compound and before you know it, you can’t be Mr. Purrfect anymore~”

“But this place… it’s their sanctuary. Sooner or later, they’re going to reap what they’ve sown. Our blood is special.”

“They will, but that’s why I’m here~” The Blue Dahlia hummed. “Hmhm~ Raoul~ Is it just me you want to protect?”

“Mhm. You.”

Raoul’s neutral expression rarely changed even as a child. Cer didn’t know what Raoul went through at the time, but it was undoubtedly what led him into creating the Solemn Paw. He was around 9 years old here.

“But what about them?” The Blue Dahlia hummed, patting her belly.

“Them?”

“Your sisters.”

“… Sisters…?”

“Yes, that’s right. Sisters. All three of them~! They’ll be triplets! Aren’t you excited? You’ll be the older brother of 3 adorable little sisters~”

She took Raoul’s hand and placed it onto her stomach. Raoul wore a look of innocence. He wanted to smile, but something stopped him.

“Mother…”

“Your father will never know. Believe me. I think I’ve found a way to hide them. It’ll be a bit hard, but you know what my power is capable of.” The didn’t outright state her plan, but Raoul understood well what she meant.

And likewise, Cer’s eyes widened. Her heart dropped as her pace slowed. The Little Frost and the Star Child struggled to tow her along as her ears and tail drooped.

Erase. Was that your idea, mom? Then your disease was never a disease at all… you…

“It’s eggciting, hm?” The Blue Dahlia tried to cheer Raoul up. “I’m certain that you’ll be a good big brother for them. Hmm… I want my girls to be as beautiful as beryl~ I don’t want to be too greedy. That’ll be my resolution for now~”

“Do they already have names?” Raoul’s ears drooped.

The Blue Dahlia patted his head.

“Hm. Would you like to help me find one? A part of our essence comes from the tales of the River Styx. A portion of its power also flows through you and your sisters.”

“Father drank from it?”

“Mhm. So you’ll no doubt be plenty strong. Strong enough to survive drinking from that River like him. But don’t you ever show him you’re capable of it, ok~”

“I understand.”

“… That’s why I want to you to also protect your sisters. They’re special. Hmm! I’ve already thought of the name for the first of the triplets~!”

“Already!?”

“Certus! Like the grand flower that blooms at night. It’s a cactus flower, so maybe she’ll have a prickly personality. But pick those apart, and you’ll have a wonderful girl~”

Certus… that was my name? Then how did it become Cer?

“If the sky shall shower down on them, then we must be the shelter to their rain. Remember that, Raoul. We’ll be all they have.”

Cer wanted to know more about her mother. What surprised her was that she was aware of the existence of the Rivers. Styx was the name of theirs, but what it entailed was still largely unknown.

Time fast forwarded. The next memory played further within the forest. There, she found her mother with a disheveled appearance. Heavy bags could be found beneath her eyes. Her belly had grown much larger as well.

… is this when her memories began to disappear.

“Cer… Cer… What was the other half? Cer… Cer?”

Her cries for Cer were as frequent as the droplets of rain that soaked her from head to toe. It was unclear how she lost her memories, but it was clear that it wasn’t caused by a degenerative disease.

Something had gone awry with her plans to remove the concept of Cer and her sisters from everyone’s minds. But in doing so…

You ended up losing your own memories of me. The me that wasn’t even born yet… What… went wrong?

She didn’t blame her mother. Cer couldn’t begin to. She could only sympathize with her. What mattered to her the most was that these memories proved that she was loved.

“Lethe… Was it Lethe? Did I drink too much from that River…? It can’t be…”

Raoul watched this unfold from the shadows of the tree lines. He witnessed the Blue Dahlia’s gradual mental decline every passing day during her pregnancy. Cer half-expected him to push the blame onto his sisters for turning her into the wrathful mother she remembered her as, but Raoul wasn’t like that.

Rather, he did exactly what he asked.

He was their shelter through the rain.

Eventually, the cries for Cer ceased. Their mother had all but forgotten about them. And on the day of their birth, she discarded the first-born Cer away, replacing her with Ber. Then, she did the same with Ber and took Res into her arms.

“Cer…” The Blue Dahlia uttered, her eyes sore and body heavily burdened by both physical and mental anguish. “My resolution… My… Res…”

Res was mistaken for me. That’s why she was loved the most. And that’s why mother would always take care of me on those nights when her memories returned, huh. Ber was... abandoned by you. You weren’t a perfect mother by any means, but you were my only mother…

Cer couldn’t utter this out loud. She wondered if this was Raoul’s wish being granted. He was the one who wanted their mother to return in the first place. Somehow, Raoul was like Ber. Both were eventually forgotten, although Raoul was certainly loved before her memories disappeared.

But if this was Raoul’s wish… then why wasn’t she shown more of what made him the way he was?